With the BPCW moving from it's old arena, into the New Igloo, it took a bit of doing to rewire the whole place, but here they are, Heatwave and Meltdown coming straight to you in online blog form.
-C.E.O. Wheeler
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BPCW Heatwave Free For All:
As the soothing tones of the Ace of Base rendition of “Cruel Summer” pipe over the loudspeakers Daniel Zucker, the official voice of Free-For-All welcomes the fans to the summer’s hottest event, or rather, it’s direct predecessor. And whether it be cruel or not, the action is sure to be smooooooookin’! Suddenly, the all too familiar sound of “Champion” by Grinspoon blasts over the loudspeakers and the crowd begins to cheer for the effort it’s namesake, Proteus at Anarchy, but as the song plays on, no one emerges from the curtain… After half of the song has played and the pop has substantially died down, Rictor and “The Fallen Angel” Lauren Rath emerge from behind the curtain, belts adorning each of their waists. They allow the song to play out and address the crowd from the stage, sporting large, shit eating grins the entire time.
RT: “I’m sorry ladies and gentleman… were you expecting someone else? Because as far as I can tell, we’re the two who are at the top of our respective heaps, not my washed up brother, whom you all expected to come out and no doubtedly whine and complain about his loss and how unfair it was last month at Anarchy. Well you know what big brother? I’M WORLD CHAMPION NOW! How do you like them apples? *Rictor pauses and walks around the ring, mic in hand as Rath poses and gestures towards the new Heavyweight Champion urging the crowd to clap instead of boo.* You see, you’re finally getting a dose of reality. You see, LIFE ISN’T ALL THAT FUCKING FAIR! Do you think I was being treated fairly when I lost repeatedly to your little sidekick, Icon 2000? Or when I was cheated out of, or passed over for title shots when I was obviously more qualified than the current splash in the pan like yourself? It’s time for me to realize that my older brother didn’t get taken out by Icon 2000 last summer. He didn’t get taken out by the lovely Lauren Rath finally coming to terms with the fact that she was too much woman for him. He took himself out of the game, just like he did at Anarchy when he thought that he could depend on other people to get the job done for him. Well, let me tell you Proteus, life won’t be handed out on a silver platter any more. I’m going to be hanging on to this *pats* championship belt for a long, long time. And there’s nothing you, your little buddy I2Gay, or any of your little piss ant friends can do about it!”
*Rath motions for the mic and after a short conversation with Rictor in private spins around, posing seductively with the belt…*
LR: “Proteus, Proteus, Proteus… when will you learn? I mean, when I found out you came back after that little mishap last summer. I do have to admit. I was impressed. Not only were you physically broken, but I’m sure losing the best thing that could have, and will ever happen to you didn’t help matters either. But, be that as it may, you, the little trooper you are, battled back. Hell, you even got a little mean streak to you… *looks into the camera* I like that. But then you have to go and team up with that psychotic Icon 2000. I mean, why do you think I got rid of you in the first place? All I ever heard about was your little obsession with destroying Icon 2000! What about me? What about us? We never mattered unless it was in between the pay per view and free-for-all. And even then, it was always the same old rushed, half-hearted love that you would show a neglected dog, not the love of your life. So I left… but I admit, I thought about you from time to time… and when C.E.O. Wheeler came to me after my contract with West Coast Championship Wrestling was up a few months back, I thought I would come and check it out. But the same thing kept happening. Only this time, your obsession wasn’t to destroy I2K, it was a pact, which, held in mutual… *makes disgusted face* faith, respect, and admiration saw you teaming with that wretched man! It’s bad enough that you ignored all the accomplishments of your family members, but to do so because of that filthy excuse for a human being is simply digusting. So… fairly put, when I came back, I wanted to associate myself with someone who would go places, not some washed up backscratcher like your self. You see, I am managing the future as well as creating it by having BPCW’s most illustrious titles around the waist of both myself and my business partner…”
*The corporate theme hits and the tires squeal. The championship duo whips around, waiting for the impending emergence of C.E.O. Wheeler, but to their chagrin, Wheeler is seen heading to the ring through the crowd! The fans embrace him as he walks by with slaps on the back and handshakes all around. He hops the barrier and enters the ring and is handed a microphone by Danny Zucker and addresses Rictor and Rath.
CEO: “Ladies and Gentleman, I’m sorry about all of this. If I had wanted you to go to sleep, I would have broadcast UCW on the FoleyTron™… *chuckles* but seriously… Don’t you two ever shut the hell up? All I ever hear from you is whining and complaining. You whine when you lose… you whine when you win… you whine…”
RT: *interrupting* “Shut up you son of a bitch! I have taken as much as I’m going to take from you. I don’t have to listen to this! I ran the little gauntlet you laid out last month, and I WON. And that means that I don’t have to take this abuse any more! I’m the Heavyweight Champion of the World and I don’t deserve this! I’m not the little hapless loser that you kicked around for the last two years. I’m not the tag team chump, I’m not the stable mate, or even leader for that matter. I am your federation’s, no, make that my federation’s World Champion. BPCW personified and I won’t stand for these little jokes any more you self righteous, arrogant schmuck!”
*Lauren attempts to calm him down as C.E.O. Wheeler stands in the ring with an amused if not surprised look on his face before addressing his champion…*
CEO: “Well, shit champ, if you had let me finish, I only came out here to congratulate you on all your hard work and let you know that I’m proud to see one of the BPCW exclusive boys holding that championship again. You’ve been here since the beginning and you are finally getting the respect that you deserve and I admire that. I mean, if you didn’t earn it, you at least took it. And sometimes in this business, you have to do that…” *a more calm Rictor nods in approval as Rath continues to calm him down further* “…but after that little outburst… temper, temper young padawan! You’re going to need to learn to cage that rage… and speaking of cages… *smirks* I wanted to run something by you… you see, we’re going to need to blow off this feud somehow, right? I mean, it’s amusing seeing siblings kick the living shit out each other every month, but let’s be honest, we don’t want this feud to get stale like Taker/Kane” *looks in to the camera breaking the tension and grins* “So I’m thinking that you two can do whatever you like this month, but next month… in this very ring… we are going to see this feud end, one way or another. But since this is Proteus’ little idea, I’m going to let him tell you about that later… for now, I’m going to need to ask you to make way for a little business I have meeting me in the ring, so if you could be so kind to vacate the premises I’m about to have company…”
*The theme of the formerly unstoppable force known as the Unholy Alliance hits and Sex Fiend emerges from the curtain and is blocked by Rictor who stares at him intently for what seems like an eternity before taking Lauren’s hand, sidestepping the solemn looking Brown graduate and heading to the back through the curtain from whence he came. C.E.O. Wheeler motions for Fiend to come to the ring and he does, grabbing a mic on the way in…*
CEO: “Well, it appears as though our problems worked themselves out last month all by themselves. I rid the federation of some of it’s remaining dead weight and you took care of the decision as to whom you were going to face due to the unfair fashion with which you and your comrades were defeated last month. So, as promised, you and Big Daddy Bickler will face each other in a sanctioned No Holds Barred Match this month at Heatwave.”
*Sex Fiend nods and shakes his hand and Wheeler makes his way to the ropes to exit the ring, but Fiend holds on to his hand and pulls him in close…*
SF: “If you ever… ever… refer to my minons as “dead weight” again, I will rip your head off, spit down your neck and proceed to make your life a living hell. But as it stands, we are even… for now.”
*The two are interrupted by the sound of the Playboy’s trademark theme and out comes Big Daddy Bickler, livid…*
BDB: “Exactly what the hell is going on here? What in the BLUE HELL is wrong with you? I’m not facing that ten penny retard this month, I have a return match against Wagner’s sorry ass for my Great Lakes Title! I’m sure as spit not going to give that up for some sexually frustrated miscreant that runs around in women’s lingerie… that’s for damn sure!”
CEO: “Well, what do you want me to do about it? I gave him my word last month he could have one or the other and he made his decision. There’s not much reprieve from a promise made to ones employees, now is there?”
BDB: “Well, what about the contract that I have right here” *pulls out a slip of paper* “that documents that my match for the Great Lakes Title is already signed and on the card?”
*They are interrupted a third time by an emerging figure in the shape of the Great Lakes Heavyweight Champion, “Dangerous” Doug Wagner who, as always is sporting his title around his waist.*
DDW: “C.E.O. Wheeler, if I may, I believe I can solve everyone’s silly little problem. You see, as Bickler wasn’t really much of a challenge last month, the way I figure, if I take both of these two babies, it might just be enough to give me a nice light workout before I go out for dinner. Now granted I’d like to have my match earlier in the card, so I can make my reservations, but if those two pre madonnas don’t have a problem with that, we can just make it a triple threat for…” *taps belt* “my belt. What do you have to say to that? Any objections?”
CEO: “Ladies? Any Questions? Comments? Smart Remarks? Allrightythen, I’ll see you three in a week. Knock yourselves out.”
*With the exit of Wheeler, the three men begin to brawl, literally and have to be separated by officials, a multitude of times before we finally fade out to the backstage area where RetirO and Rob Van Dam are trying to decide who will face Abs on the Heatwave card when all of a sudden Raven appears…*
RV: “This pontificating is not going to get you two geriatric misanthropes any closer to an answer, you know. The conundrum is not solved by contemplation but rather by the cruel hand of our favorite mistress. Lady luck has deemed that one of you must face your destiny at Heatwave. The end is drawing near gentleman, for one of you. When the stone crashes down upon you and your person is swept away, piece by piece. My Venom will see to that. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some matters of discourse I must attend to as well.”
RO: “What the hell was that all about?”
RVD: “You got me man.”
RO: “You worked with the man for years in ECW, you have to have understood some of that.”
RVD: “Nah, nobody ever understood him. We just smiled and nodded or frowned and shook our head.”
RO: “So what do you think he meant by that whole thing? Any ideas?
RVD: “Uhh… paper, rock, scissors?”
RO: “Eh, sounds good to me.”
*As they throw the sound in the arena kicks in and we go back to ringside where Raven comes out alone, posing in dramatic fashion and then making his way to the ring, grab a microphone and proceed to sit in the corner of the ring for a minute as the crowd, with a mixed reaction welcomes him to the Igloo. From under his long mane of hair a voice begins to speak…*
RV: “A Raven Promo”
*Sex Pistol’s music hits and Sara emerges from the curtain, microphone in hand.*
RV: “Go away little girl, this battleground is not for the weak.”
SS: “That’s funny, Sex Pistol told me the same thing when he heard you out here talking. But on a more serious note. He just wanted me to tell you that he has something to say that may leave you a little short of breath…”
RV: “And what might that be?”
*At that moment, Sex Pistol springs up from underneath the ring and begins to strangle Raven with a towel asphyxiating the hardcore legend until the EC-dub alum falls limp. Pistol proceeds to push Danny Zucker down and rip the microphone out of his hand.
SP: “You think that you can just march into the federation I built and take what’s mine? I was the king of the world you mangy, washed up has been! You want to challenge me to a little Raven’s Rules match? Huh? *slaps the unconscious Raven* You think you’re something special? Well, I got news for you buddy, I am the KING of the hardcore environment. I last longer and hit it harder than anyone in pro wrestling, yourself included. You wanna come out here and ask your little questions? *in mocking tone* What about me? What about Raven? *pauses and gets serious* I’ll tell you all about you Raven. And I’ll start with how big of a bitch you really are! *picks up Raven and produces two pair of fuzzy handcuffs and proceeds to cuff him to the ring post while Sara in the meantime has skipped down to ringside and produced a chair which she tosses into the ring to Pistol who catches it and proceeds to pick up the microphone.* So what about you? What about Raven? I’ll tell you what. Raven is entering a whole new world of pain. So it is written, so it shall come to pass.” *With a mighty swing, Pistol brings the chair down right across the skull of Raven a handful of times producing a juicy gash right above his hair line. He hits him one more time for good measure then drops the chair and grabs the mic from the back of his pants where he had it tucked while doing his dirty deed.* “Quote the Pistol… BANG BANG!” *Pistol takes Sara’s hand and backs up the ramp, talking smack to both Raven and the fans.*
*Backstage C.E.O. Wheeler is on his cell phone.*
CEO: “So you got the tickets and all the arrangements have been made? … Good. Well, if you have any problems with lodging or transportation, just let me know. … Other than that, I’ll see you and your business associates at the Pay Per View? … All right, that sounds great, I’ll see you soon Julie. … and, Have a Nice Day!”
*As he is hanging up the phone a man in a business suit can be seen entering his office.*
CEO: “Ahh, just the unemployed megalomaniac I was waiting on… Would you close the door behind you? Thanks. Now, let’s get down to business, shall we?”
*The camera fades elsewhere backstage where we see the slovenly dressed frat boy, the Jewish Avenger getting a cup of coke, presumably for an alcoholic beverage hidden somewhere on his person. As he is walking away from the table he bumps into “Playboy” Jon Seitz, the BPCW Midwest Champion and spills his coke all over the both of them…*
JS: “Why don’t you watch where you’re going scrub ball? This is a thousand dollar suit.”
JA: “That’s funny, it looks like it’d be a lot less expensive… since it makes you look like a two dollar skank from the eighties!”
JS: “If Don ever heard you say that, he would kick your ass, Vice style. Besides, have you looked in the mirror lately? I mean, didn’t grunge go out when the freak show Cobain went and blew his own head off? Get with it man. Live in the now.”
JA: “You talk a pretty big talk Mr. More-gel-in-his-hair-than-Mark-McGrath, but can you walk the walk… bitch?”
JS: “What’d you have in mind, you chumpstain on the road of life?”
JA: “Howzabout you grant me a shot at your pretty boy Midwest title at Heatwave?”
JS: “Sounds like a plan to me. Now, if you’ll excuse me… I need to go and attend to this shirt before it stains.”
*Seitz runs off looking pissed about his shirt which he probably got at Express for Men instead of Gucci or DKNY, and Frat Boy just sits and laughs as he pours himself another coke.*
*The FoleyTron™ lights up and we have a picture of James Wheeler sitting behind a desk at his office preparing to make an announcement. He notices the cameras and switches to an air of professionalism.*
“Last month at Anarchy, we were witness to a screwjob in the tag team ranks when Rictor ran in and potentially cost his former running buddies, Nathan Hellstorm and Steven Black the Tag Team Titles. Because of this we will be seeing a rematch of last month’s bout, but this time, the stakes will be raised. To prevent further interference, I have officially added to the match contract that if there is interference on either team’s behalf, the titles will be awarded to… no one! Instead, they will be held up and placed in my possession until a suitable alternative can be reached. So boys… play nice for a change? And have a nice day!”
*A package is shown hyping the pay per view and then we go back to the ring and the lights go out. After a few seconds of darkness we hear the slow riffs of “Sober” by Tool echoing in the arena and as huge blue pyros explode across the entryway and slowly extinguish, Proteus breaks through the smoke and the crowd erupts in approval. He makes his way to the ring and poses on the turnbuckles, arms raised in the air as the flashbulbs pop around the arena. He finishes his rounds and is tossed a microphone.*
P: “When are people going to figure out that stealing someone’s music and badmouthing them when they aren’t even in the building isn’t going to do shit? You should know me better than that Rictor. Change is in my namesake. I do it over, and over, and over again. And you winning the title or chumming around with my ex isn’t going to stop it… or me. So next time you think you’re going to step it up, may I suggest using a ladder or something that will exalt your argument a bit? For instance… after arriving at the arena, I talked with Wheeler and I had a little proposition for him after I watched your little promo earlier. You see, I want to show you just how well I understand what you were saying. I know that life isn’t fair, but I think you are still a little delusional after your win last month. So I’d like to show you and your newfound friend, or business associate, or whatever the hell she is to you, just how unfair life can be by taking both of your titles from you! One match… two falls. The first is for the stumbling angel’s precious little Women’s Title, and the second will be for my World Championship, which has been whored around for the past half a year. It’s about time for you two to realize how unfair life can really be. What it’s like to have a taste of ecstacy and then have it ripped from your hands. But you were right about one thing… I did take myself out of the game. And I have no one to blame for that but myself. But you know what? I also put myself back in it… and it’s time to play…”
*Proteus drops the mic and his new music hits sending the crowd back into a cheering frenzy. He reaches the curtain and walks through the gorilla pit towards the parking lot. He is greeted on the way by a few of the boys backstage and is about to enter his car when the form of Rictor rushes by and takes out his brother’s knee with a lead pipe! Proteus weakly stumbles to his feet but only to have his leg taken out from under him again by Rictor. The younger brother pummels Proteus knee repeatedly and finally throws the pipe away and speaks…*
RT: “You want to see how unfair life is brother? Let’s see you try and take our belts when you can’t walk!” *Rictor kicks Proteus in the stomach and the camera fades as Proteus is left broken in the parking lot as officials can be heard in the background as well as the screeching of tires as Rictor leaves his brother for dead.*
END SHOW
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Heatwave 2002 Card
Hardcore Title Match: RetirO vs. Venom (c)
Great Lakes Heavyweight Championship Match:
Big Daddy Bickler vs. Sex Fiend vs. “Dangerous” Doug Wagner (c)
Raven’s Rules Match: Raven vs. Sex Pistol
Midwest Title Match: Frat Boy vs. “Playboy” Jon Seitz
Tag Team Title Match: Nathan Hellstorm and Steven Black vs. Magnus and Saturn (c)
Double Jeopardy Match for the Women’s and World Title:
Proteus vs. "The Fallen Angel" Lauren Rath (c) & Rictor (c)
-C.E.O. Wheeler
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BPCW Heatwave Free For All:
As the soothing tones of the Ace of Base rendition of “Cruel Summer” pipe over the loudspeakers Daniel Zucker, the official voice of Free-For-All welcomes the fans to the summer’s hottest event, or rather, it’s direct predecessor. And whether it be cruel or not, the action is sure to be smooooooookin’! Suddenly, the all too familiar sound of “Champion” by Grinspoon blasts over the loudspeakers and the crowd begins to cheer for the effort it’s namesake, Proteus at Anarchy, but as the song plays on, no one emerges from the curtain… After half of the song has played and the pop has substantially died down, Rictor and “The Fallen Angel” Lauren Rath emerge from behind the curtain, belts adorning each of their waists. They allow the song to play out and address the crowd from the stage, sporting large, shit eating grins the entire time.
RT: “I’m sorry ladies and gentleman… were you expecting someone else? Because as far as I can tell, we’re the two who are at the top of our respective heaps, not my washed up brother, whom you all expected to come out and no doubtedly whine and complain about his loss and how unfair it was last month at Anarchy. Well you know what big brother? I’M WORLD CHAMPION NOW! How do you like them apples? *Rictor pauses and walks around the ring, mic in hand as Rath poses and gestures towards the new Heavyweight Champion urging the crowd to clap instead of boo.* You see, you’re finally getting a dose of reality. You see, LIFE ISN’T ALL THAT FUCKING FAIR! Do you think I was being treated fairly when I lost repeatedly to your little sidekick, Icon 2000? Or when I was cheated out of, or passed over for title shots when I was obviously more qualified than the current splash in the pan like yourself? It’s time for me to realize that my older brother didn’t get taken out by Icon 2000 last summer. He didn’t get taken out by the lovely Lauren Rath finally coming to terms with the fact that she was too much woman for him. He took himself out of the game, just like he did at Anarchy when he thought that he could depend on other people to get the job done for him. Well, let me tell you Proteus, life won’t be handed out on a silver platter any more. I’m going to be hanging on to this *pats* championship belt for a long, long time. And there’s nothing you, your little buddy I2Gay, or any of your little piss ant friends can do about it!”
*Rath motions for the mic and after a short conversation with Rictor in private spins around, posing seductively with the belt…*
LR: “Proteus, Proteus, Proteus… when will you learn? I mean, when I found out you came back after that little mishap last summer. I do have to admit. I was impressed. Not only were you physically broken, but I’m sure losing the best thing that could have, and will ever happen to you didn’t help matters either. But, be that as it may, you, the little trooper you are, battled back. Hell, you even got a little mean streak to you… *looks into the camera* I like that. But then you have to go and team up with that psychotic Icon 2000. I mean, why do you think I got rid of you in the first place? All I ever heard about was your little obsession with destroying Icon 2000! What about me? What about us? We never mattered unless it was in between the pay per view and free-for-all. And even then, it was always the same old rushed, half-hearted love that you would show a neglected dog, not the love of your life. So I left… but I admit, I thought about you from time to time… and when C.E.O. Wheeler came to me after my contract with West Coast Championship Wrestling was up a few months back, I thought I would come and check it out. But the same thing kept happening. Only this time, your obsession wasn’t to destroy I2K, it was a pact, which, held in mutual… *makes disgusted face* faith, respect, and admiration saw you teaming with that wretched man! It’s bad enough that you ignored all the accomplishments of your family members, but to do so because of that filthy excuse for a human being is simply digusting. So… fairly put, when I came back, I wanted to associate myself with someone who would go places, not some washed up backscratcher like your self. You see, I am managing the future as well as creating it by having BPCW’s most illustrious titles around the waist of both myself and my business partner…”
*The corporate theme hits and the tires squeal. The championship duo whips around, waiting for the impending emergence of C.E.O. Wheeler, but to their chagrin, Wheeler is seen heading to the ring through the crowd! The fans embrace him as he walks by with slaps on the back and handshakes all around. He hops the barrier and enters the ring and is handed a microphone by Danny Zucker and addresses Rictor and Rath.
CEO: “Ladies and Gentleman, I’m sorry about all of this. If I had wanted you to go to sleep, I would have broadcast UCW on the FoleyTron™… *chuckles* but seriously… Don’t you two ever shut the hell up? All I ever hear from you is whining and complaining. You whine when you lose… you whine when you win… you whine…”
RT: *interrupting* “Shut up you son of a bitch! I have taken as much as I’m going to take from you. I don’t have to listen to this! I ran the little gauntlet you laid out last month, and I WON. And that means that I don’t have to take this abuse any more! I’m the Heavyweight Champion of the World and I don’t deserve this! I’m not the little hapless loser that you kicked around for the last two years. I’m not the tag team chump, I’m not the stable mate, or even leader for that matter. I am your federation’s, no, make that my federation’s World Champion. BPCW personified and I won’t stand for these little jokes any more you self righteous, arrogant schmuck!”
*Lauren attempts to calm him down as C.E.O. Wheeler stands in the ring with an amused if not surprised look on his face before addressing his champion…*
CEO: “Well, shit champ, if you had let me finish, I only came out here to congratulate you on all your hard work and let you know that I’m proud to see one of the BPCW exclusive boys holding that championship again. You’ve been here since the beginning and you are finally getting the respect that you deserve and I admire that. I mean, if you didn’t earn it, you at least took it. And sometimes in this business, you have to do that…” *a more calm Rictor nods in approval as Rath continues to calm him down further* “…but after that little outburst… temper, temper young padawan! You’re going to need to learn to cage that rage… and speaking of cages… *smirks* I wanted to run something by you… you see, we’re going to need to blow off this feud somehow, right? I mean, it’s amusing seeing siblings kick the living shit out each other every month, but let’s be honest, we don’t want this feud to get stale like Taker/Kane” *looks in to the camera breaking the tension and grins* “So I’m thinking that you two can do whatever you like this month, but next month… in this very ring… we are going to see this feud end, one way or another. But since this is Proteus’ little idea, I’m going to let him tell you about that later… for now, I’m going to need to ask you to make way for a little business I have meeting me in the ring, so if you could be so kind to vacate the premises I’m about to have company…”
*The theme of the formerly unstoppable force known as the Unholy Alliance hits and Sex Fiend emerges from the curtain and is blocked by Rictor who stares at him intently for what seems like an eternity before taking Lauren’s hand, sidestepping the solemn looking Brown graduate and heading to the back through the curtain from whence he came. C.E.O. Wheeler motions for Fiend to come to the ring and he does, grabbing a mic on the way in…*
CEO: “Well, it appears as though our problems worked themselves out last month all by themselves. I rid the federation of some of it’s remaining dead weight and you took care of the decision as to whom you were going to face due to the unfair fashion with which you and your comrades were defeated last month. So, as promised, you and Big Daddy Bickler will face each other in a sanctioned No Holds Barred Match this month at Heatwave.”
*Sex Fiend nods and shakes his hand and Wheeler makes his way to the ropes to exit the ring, but Fiend holds on to his hand and pulls him in close…*
SF: “If you ever… ever… refer to my minons as “dead weight” again, I will rip your head off, spit down your neck and proceed to make your life a living hell. But as it stands, we are even… for now.”
*The two are interrupted by the sound of the Playboy’s trademark theme and out comes Big Daddy Bickler, livid…*
BDB: “Exactly what the hell is going on here? What in the BLUE HELL is wrong with you? I’m not facing that ten penny retard this month, I have a return match against Wagner’s sorry ass for my Great Lakes Title! I’m sure as spit not going to give that up for some sexually frustrated miscreant that runs around in women’s lingerie… that’s for damn sure!”
CEO: “Well, what do you want me to do about it? I gave him my word last month he could have one or the other and he made his decision. There’s not much reprieve from a promise made to ones employees, now is there?”
BDB: “Well, what about the contract that I have right here” *pulls out a slip of paper* “that documents that my match for the Great Lakes Title is already signed and on the card?”
*They are interrupted a third time by an emerging figure in the shape of the Great Lakes Heavyweight Champion, “Dangerous” Doug Wagner who, as always is sporting his title around his waist.*
DDW: “C.E.O. Wheeler, if I may, I believe I can solve everyone’s silly little problem. You see, as Bickler wasn’t really much of a challenge last month, the way I figure, if I take both of these two babies, it might just be enough to give me a nice light workout before I go out for dinner. Now granted I’d like to have my match earlier in the card, so I can make my reservations, but if those two pre madonnas don’t have a problem with that, we can just make it a triple threat for…” *taps belt* “my belt. What do you have to say to that? Any objections?”
CEO: “Ladies? Any Questions? Comments? Smart Remarks? Allrightythen, I’ll see you three in a week. Knock yourselves out.”
*With the exit of Wheeler, the three men begin to brawl, literally and have to be separated by officials, a multitude of times before we finally fade out to the backstage area where RetirO and Rob Van Dam are trying to decide who will face Abs on the Heatwave card when all of a sudden Raven appears…*
RV: “This pontificating is not going to get you two geriatric misanthropes any closer to an answer, you know. The conundrum is not solved by contemplation but rather by the cruel hand of our favorite mistress. Lady luck has deemed that one of you must face your destiny at Heatwave. The end is drawing near gentleman, for one of you. When the stone crashes down upon you and your person is swept away, piece by piece. My Venom will see to that. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some matters of discourse I must attend to as well.”
RO: “What the hell was that all about?”
RVD: “You got me man.”
RO: “You worked with the man for years in ECW, you have to have understood some of that.”
RVD: “Nah, nobody ever understood him. We just smiled and nodded or frowned and shook our head.”
RO: “So what do you think he meant by that whole thing? Any ideas?
RVD: “Uhh… paper, rock, scissors?”
RO: “Eh, sounds good to me.”
*As they throw the sound in the arena kicks in and we go back to ringside where Raven comes out alone, posing in dramatic fashion and then making his way to the ring, grab a microphone and proceed to sit in the corner of the ring for a minute as the crowd, with a mixed reaction welcomes him to the Igloo. From under his long mane of hair a voice begins to speak…*
RV: “A Raven Promo”
*Sex Pistol’s music hits and Sara emerges from the curtain, microphone in hand.*
RV: “Go away little girl, this battleground is not for the weak.”
SS: “That’s funny, Sex Pistol told me the same thing when he heard you out here talking. But on a more serious note. He just wanted me to tell you that he has something to say that may leave you a little short of breath…”
RV: “And what might that be?”
*At that moment, Sex Pistol springs up from underneath the ring and begins to strangle Raven with a towel asphyxiating the hardcore legend until the EC-dub alum falls limp. Pistol proceeds to push Danny Zucker down and rip the microphone out of his hand.
SP: “You think that you can just march into the federation I built and take what’s mine? I was the king of the world you mangy, washed up has been! You want to challenge me to a little Raven’s Rules match? Huh? *slaps the unconscious Raven* You think you’re something special? Well, I got news for you buddy, I am the KING of the hardcore environment. I last longer and hit it harder than anyone in pro wrestling, yourself included. You wanna come out here and ask your little questions? *in mocking tone* What about me? What about Raven? *pauses and gets serious* I’ll tell you all about you Raven. And I’ll start with how big of a bitch you really are! *picks up Raven and produces two pair of fuzzy handcuffs and proceeds to cuff him to the ring post while Sara in the meantime has skipped down to ringside and produced a chair which she tosses into the ring to Pistol who catches it and proceeds to pick up the microphone.* So what about you? What about Raven? I’ll tell you what. Raven is entering a whole new world of pain. So it is written, so it shall come to pass.” *With a mighty swing, Pistol brings the chair down right across the skull of Raven a handful of times producing a juicy gash right above his hair line. He hits him one more time for good measure then drops the chair and grabs the mic from the back of his pants where he had it tucked while doing his dirty deed.* “Quote the Pistol… BANG BANG!” *Pistol takes Sara’s hand and backs up the ramp, talking smack to both Raven and the fans.*
*Backstage C.E.O. Wheeler is on his cell phone.*
CEO: “So you got the tickets and all the arrangements have been made? … Good. Well, if you have any problems with lodging or transportation, just let me know. … Other than that, I’ll see you and your business associates at the Pay Per View? … All right, that sounds great, I’ll see you soon Julie. … and, Have a Nice Day!”
*As he is hanging up the phone a man in a business suit can be seen entering his office.*
CEO: “Ahh, just the unemployed megalomaniac I was waiting on… Would you close the door behind you? Thanks. Now, let’s get down to business, shall we?”
*The camera fades elsewhere backstage where we see the slovenly dressed frat boy, the Jewish Avenger getting a cup of coke, presumably for an alcoholic beverage hidden somewhere on his person. As he is walking away from the table he bumps into “Playboy” Jon Seitz, the BPCW Midwest Champion and spills his coke all over the both of them…*
JS: “Why don’t you watch where you’re going scrub ball? This is a thousand dollar suit.”
JA: “That’s funny, it looks like it’d be a lot less expensive… since it makes you look like a two dollar skank from the eighties!”
JS: “If Don ever heard you say that, he would kick your ass, Vice style. Besides, have you looked in the mirror lately? I mean, didn’t grunge go out when the freak show Cobain went and blew his own head off? Get with it man. Live in the now.”
JA: “You talk a pretty big talk Mr. More-gel-in-his-hair-than-Mark-McGrath, but can you walk the walk… bitch?”
JS: “What’d you have in mind, you chumpstain on the road of life?”
JA: “Howzabout you grant me a shot at your pretty boy Midwest title at Heatwave?”
JS: “Sounds like a plan to me. Now, if you’ll excuse me… I need to go and attend to this shirt before it stains.”
*Seitz runs off looking pissed about his shirt which he probably got at Express for Men instead of Gucci or DKNY, and Frat Boy just sits and laughs as he pours himself another coke.*
*The FoleyTron™ lights up and we have a picture of James Wheeler sitting behind a desk at his office preparing to make an announcement. He notices the cameras and switches to an air of professionalism.*
“Last month at Anarchy, we were witness to a screwjob in the tag team ranks when Rictor ran in and potentially cost his former running buddies, Nathan Hellstorm and Steven Black the Tag Team Titles. Because of this we will be seeing a rematch of last month’s bout, but this time, the stakes will be raised. To prevent further interference, I have officially added to the match contract that if there is interference on either team’s behalf, the titles will be awarded to… no one! Instead, they will be held up and placed in my possession until a suitable alternative can be reached. So boys… play nice for a change? And have a nice day!”
*A package is shown hyping the pay per view and then we go back to the ring and the lights go out. After a few seconds of darkness we hear the slow riffs of “Sober” by Tool echoing in the arena and as huge blue pyros explode across the entryway and slowly extinguish, Proteus breaks through the smoke and the crowd erupts in approval. He makes his way to the ring and poses on the turnbuckles, arms raised in the air as the flashbulbs pop around the arena. He finishes his rounds and is tossed a microphone.*
P: “When are people going to figure out that stealing someone’s music and badmouthing them when they aren’t even in the building isn’t going to do shit? You should know me better than that Rictor. Change is in my namesake. I do it over, and over, and over again. And you winning the title or chumming around with my ex isn’t going to stop it… or me. So next time you think you’re going to step it up, may I suggest using a ladder or something that will exalt your argument a bit? For instance… after arriving at the arena, I talked with Wheeler and I had a little proposition for him after I watched your little promo earlier. You see, I want to show you just how well I understand what you were saying. I know that life isn’t fair, but I think you are still a little delusional after your win last month. So I’d like to show you and your newfound friend, or business associate, or whatever the hell she is to you, just how unfair life can be by taking both of your titles from you! One match… two falls. The first is for the stumbling angel’s precious little Women’s Title, and the second will be for my World Championship, which has been whored around for the past half a year. It’s about time for you two to realize how unfair life can really be. What it’s like to have a taste of ecstacy and then have it ripped from your hands. But you were right about one thing… I did take myself out of the game. And I have no one to blame for that but myself. But you know what? I also put myself back in it… and it’s time to play…”
*Proteus drops the mic and his new music hits sending the crowd back into a cheering frenzy. He reaches the curtain and walks through the gorilla pit towards the parking lot. He is greeted on the way by a few of the boys backstage and is about to enter his car when the form of Rictor rushes by and takes out his brother’s knee with a lead pipe! Proteus weakly stumbles to his feet but only to have his leg taken out from under him again by Rictor. The younger brother pummels Proteus knee repeatedly and finally throws the pipe away and speaks…*
RT: “You want to see how unfair life is brother? Let’s see you try and take our belts when you can’t walk!” *Rictor kicks Proteus in the stomach and the camera fades as Proteus is left broken in the parking lot as officials can be heard in the background as well as the screeching of tires as Rictor leaves his brother for dead.*
END SHOW
======================================
Heatwave 2002 Card
Hardcore Title Match: RetirO vs. Venom (c)
Great Lakes Heavyweight Championship Match:
Big Daddy Bickler vs. Sex Fiend vs. “Dangerous” Doug Wagner (c)
Raven’s Rules Match: Raven vs. Sex Pistol
Midwest Title Match: Frat Boy vs. “Playboy” Jon Seitz
Tag Team Title Match: Nathan Hellstorm and Steven Black vs. Magnus and Saturn (c)
Double Jeopardy Match for the Women’s and World Title:
Proteus vs. "The Fallen Angel" Lauren Rath (c) & Rictor (c)
posted by James at
9:40 AM
